Tuesday, May 20, 2008

One Hell Of A Toothpick

Try to guess what the next three things have in common:

1. Last night I shoved a small, plastic stick with a wad of cotton at the tip into my ear canals and scraped out loving chunks of brown-yellow wax. It was nice to hear clearly again.

2. Today I go to the dentist to have my bi-annual tooth scraping and (bloody, painful) reminder to floss more often.

3. I plan to spend my supposed recession-deflecting economic band-aid of a stimulus package on something that makes me ignore the catastrophic national debt and economic recession.


Yes, you likely have already received a large sum of money from our government who, in their infinite wisdom, has waged an unjustified war that has cost the average American family $20,900, promoted big oil to record profits and record prices at the pump (the cheap stuff was $3.92 / gallon in town today!), and allowed fiscal irresponsibility to lead us into a recession. But, hey, even though it has cost each family dearly, they'll throw a trifle thousand bucks or so back at ya to spend on that new HD TV or, you know, buy the medicine that grandma needs because our failing healthcare system let her down. Thanks for the money, Dubya. It'll pay off about 1/8th of the average family's credit card debt. No need to invest it into our educational system, for instance, or social security.

Some folks suggested new and exciting ways to spend your stimulus package. Mark Morford had some good ideas (like buying one share of Google stock, filling four tanks of gas, or saving for the massive bonfire celebration to be held on 1/20/09).

Personally, I think a better way to blow your stimulus package would be to follow the lead of a wealthy Spanish galleon captain from the 17th century: a toothpick / earwax spoon made of solid gold:

http://www.comcast.net/articles/news-general/20080519/Florida.Artifacts/

Divers recently unearthed from the sands of the Florida Keys a 3-inch long personal grooming device made of solid gold which has a toothpick at one end and an ear wax spoon on the other end (see picture). This is the latest find of years worth of searching for a fabled lost galleon, the Santa Margarita, which was sunk during a hurricane in 1622. So far they have found bars of gold, a lead box filled with pearls, and gold chains, but have yet to find the ship. This golden toothpick / earwax spoon has an estimated value of around $100,000.

Are you as horrified as I am that such a thing exists as an "earwax spoon"? Ew! And to have a toothpick at the other end! Double ew! Don't mix up one end from the other! You're likely to get a mouth full of yummy ear wax or a pierced eardrum with gingivitis.

But, hey, isn't it really just a status symbol? This little tool was apparently worn on a necklace. Wearing it on your neck, you would be proclaiming to the world, "I can afford a golden toothpick and you can't." You would also be proclaiming, "I have such bad earwax and tooth plague that I have to carry a special tool around my neck at all times to deal with it." But who cares? You're rich! Women will want to lay you no matter how horrible you look, just for a chance to get their own golden earwax spoon.

So, please, run out and get a golden earwax spoon / toothpick of your own. According to our government, it will help the economy. Sound economics.

Now that's picking your teeth with style!



Image taken from HERE.

10 comments:

Anonymous said...

Viagra is used in the treatment of Erectile Dysfunction (impotence), but it is not a cure. Impotence can be caused by a number of factors, either physical or psychological. Viagra can help maintain an erection but it will not stimulate arousal.

International Online Pharmacy said...

Amazing article! It’s just what i needed to understand. Have a nice day!!

Anonymous said...

Hello !.
You may , probably very interested to know how one can make real money .
There is no initial capital needed You may commense earning with as small sum of money as 20-100 dollars.

AimTrust is what you haven`t ever dreamt of such a chance to become rich
The firm incorporates an offshore structure with advanced asset management technologies in production and delivery of pipes for oil and gas.

It is based in Panama with structures everywhere: In USA, Canada, Cyprus.
Do you want to become a happy investor?
That`s your chance That`s what you really need!

I feel good, I began to get real money with the help of this company,
and I invite you to do the same. It`s all about how to select a correct partner who uses your savings in a right way - that`s the AimTrust!.
I earn US$2,000 per day, and what I started with was a funny sum of 500 bucks!
It`s easy to join , just click this link http://ruvotufy.freecities.com/onoluxen.html
and go! Let`s take our chance together to become rich

Anonymous said...

Hello !.
might , probably very interested to know how one can make real money .
There is no initial capital needed You may start to get income with as small sum of money as 20-100 dollars.

AimTrust is what you need
The company incorporates an offshore structure with advanced asset management technologies in production and delivery of pipes for oil and gas.

Its head office is in Panama with affiliates everywhere: In USA, Canada, Cyprus.
Do you want to become an affluent person?
That`s your choice That`s what you wish in the long run!

I feel good, I began to get real money with the help of this company,
and I invite you to do the same. It`s all about how to select a proper partner who uses your savings in a right way - that`s it!.
I take now up to 2G every day, and my first deposit was 1 grand only!
It`s easy to get involved , just click this link http://zyjibogyku.s-enterprize.com/atutyf.html
and go! Let`s take our chance together to feel the smell of real money

Anonymous said...

First of all I sine qua non allege this is a wonderful topic. Thanks in search that. But I have on the agenda c trick read something about ED formerly and cant resolve what is better. As I can see there are a portion of people who be familiar with with ED and its treatment. So can you suit help me and publish to me what is better!!! To Viagra or to buy Cialis online or to buy Levitra online... This Online Pharmacy no Prescription is fine for me. I de facto demand help. Base for fixed matter

Anonymous said...

On every weekend, we all mates together used to watch movie, as fun is also essential in life.

Anonymous said...

Wonderful information in fact. Close friend in acquire have been seeking this specific information.

Anonymous said...

Had my own honey-colored tabby disappeared, five strays outside were begging to take its place.
Being able to game without interruption is a grand thing, but with todays' 'always plugged in'
society it is not often possible. Now I don't class myself as a simpleton, but maybe I should for I cannot for the life of me think of
a way in which these details that are subject
to all the laws on privacy could appear openly for sale on a public website without an infringement of some law occurring somewhere along the line.


My web-site ... free riot points

yanmaneee said...

moncler jackets
golden goose
yeezy
golden goose sneakers
golden goose
golden goose sneakers
supreme outlet
yeezy supply
golden goose
golden goose

Anonymous said...

stephen curry shoes
yeezy
jordans shoes
supreme shirt
jordan retro
ggdb
kyrie 7 shoes
moncler jackets
off white nike
supreme clothing