Pond Scum Can Fuel Your Car

When I think about diesel fuel, I picture some beaten up 1970s vehicle or a big rig belching out black smoke. Diesel is now more expensive than unleaded in many areas, and you can't find it as readily. But my impression is about to change, thanks to biodiesel.

I love hearing about biodiesel. This marvelous fuel replacement is the future of car fuels, since it is non-toxic, biodegradable, emits almost no emissions, and costs about the same as petroleum gas, but I love it for another reason – French fries. If you drive behind a car running on recycled cooking oil, it smells like French fries or popcorn (here I'm lumping together biodiesel and straight vegetable oils (SVOs), like reclaimed cooking oil – SVOs require modifying your diesel engine). Cool, eh? "Fill 'er up." "Would you like fries with that, sir?" It's cool, too, because it’s a big ol' thumb in the eye of the petroleum industry that's gouging us every day.

Biodiesel (not from recycled cooking oil) is made from processed corn or soybeans. Willie Nelson now has his own company that sells biodiesel, called BioWillie, which, according to a documentary I saw (and memory serves me right) is made mainly from soybean and focuses on local growers. The problem is that soybean and corn are also used for other products, such as food, which sets up an unfortunate competition that can drive up prices. No one wants that, of course.

Well now someone has found a way to make fuel from pond scum:

http://www.physorg.com/news89400502.html

Well, not pond scum, exactly, but algae. The University of Utah is pursuing research into it now and plans to release a cost-competitive formulation for cars by 2009. Algae is easy and robust to grow and can be grown in just about any non-frigid climate. Most importantly: it's cheap. Corn can be processed to create about 18 gallons of biodiesel per acre. Soybean can make about 48 gallons per acre. Various nuts, avocado, and oil palm can make many hundreds of gallons, but would be prohibitively expensive. Algae, however, can make (drum roll please) 10,000 gallons per acre!

But U. of U. isn't the only one moving on this. Here's an excerpt from Wikipedia's page on Algaculture:

In November 8, 2006, Green Star Products has announced that it has signed an agreement with De Beers Fuel Limited of South Africa to build 90 biodiesel reactors with algae as raw material. Each of the biodiesel reactors will be capable of producing 10 million gallons of biodiesel each year for a total production capacity of 900,000,000 gallons per year when operating at full capacity, which is 4 times greater than the entire U.S. output in 2006.

Wow. Yes, De Beers, made famous for diamond mining. If the oil companies are going to turn a blind eye to the future of fuels, then why wouldn't some other massive conglomerate jump on the potential?

So, look to the future and buy that diesel-engine car. And when you drive by wetlands and see an algae-clogged marsh, or when you scrape algae off the sides of your home aquarium, think to yourself "That's the future of fuels, by golly!"

Flashy Fish And My Testosterone Level

I'm not the sort of good-lookin' man that girls notice and start drooling. I'm more like the sort of guy that drooling girls notice. How I managed to get the attention of my lovely wife without looking like George Clooney is still a mystery to me. So I've always been a little envious of those tall men with ripped abs, 2% body fat, and the sort of face that you find on communist political propaganda posters. No, not the posters featuring Stalin or Mao, the other ones, where optimistic and courageous men and women are looking off into the future and striking vogue poses (such as THIS ONE).

So it is with a great deal of excitement I bring to your attention a recent paper in _American Naturalist_ that suggests the offspring of "beautiful" males are more prone to disease:

www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2007/01/070110124151.htm

HERE is the PubMed paper abstract, for you scientist types.

Of course, the Swedish researcher was studying fishes, not humans. Cichlids, to be exact, but bear with me. She found that males that were larger, had flashier fins, and possessed brighter colorations had higher testosterone levels, and their offspring (including females) had correspondingly higher testosterone levels. Females tend to choose those males to mate with (sound familiar?). But higher levels of testosterone also correspond to a higher susceptibility to pathogens. So the author makes the hypothesis that, as the offspring develop higher levels of testosterones, their overall "fitness" decreases, swinging the favor back to the less-showy males. Yes! But she also points out that the short-term gain of large size may help with egg production and other factors.

So, I'm going to take a giant leap here and say this is proof that less flashy guys like me are at least as mate-worthy as those communist poster-type men. How about it, gals? Go out there and find yourself a nerdy fella to mate with, confident in the proposition that they are just as good if not better for the fitness of your potential offspring as George Clooney.

Sorry, ladies, I'm taken. No, don't cry. I'm sure there are plenty other fish in the sea….

You Gotta Love Tuberous Spices

If you read this blog much, you can readily detect my obsession with exotic foods. If you know me in person, the evidence is plain to see.

One of my favorite foods is Indian food. No, not fry bread, as in Native American Indians, I'm talking the sort from India. It's so freakin' spicy it's like a party in my mouth. So many of the dishes feature spices you simply can't find in your neighborhood diner (yes, old-fashioned diners still exist here and there). My favorite Indian dishes are vindaloos. Vindaloo is a type of curry, with lamb or chicken and a yummy, spicy marinade sauce.

It turns out that my usually horrible eating habits may not be so horrible, in this case. According to an article in February's _Scientific American_, turmeric, a spice used in curries, has a number of potentially beneficial health effects:

http://www.sciam.com/article.cfm?chanID=sa006&colID=1&articleID=131CED4F-E7F2-99DF-3C84BB412D1D3B51

You've got to love a spice made from ground-up roots. Turmeric (which is yellow-brown colored) is what is used to colorize yellow mustard and chicken broth, but its main use is as a spice in curries. Sometimes it is used as a cheap replacement for saffron. For thousands of years ancient Indian (Vedic) medicine has used it as an anti-inflammatory agent. For the last couple decades, though, modern medicine has increasingly studied it, focusing mainly on a constituent of turmeric called curcumin. It may help fight rheumatoid arthritis as an anti-inflammatory, battle Alzheimer's plaques, block hormones tied to colon cancer, reduce the size and number of colorectal polyps, and improve cognitive ability. Cool. One of my favorite foods may help my horrible, horrible memory, fight off a family history of arthritis, and prevent butt cancer.

As far as fighting cancer though (including colon cancer, myeloid leukemia, and breast cancer), researchers have found some negative effects, too, where it has stopped the mechanisms that prevent cancer. So my colon can't leap for joy just yet.

Don't Give Viagra To Iguanas

Oh my god! If you're a male reptile, look away.

Mozart, a male iguana at a zoo in Antwerp, was having your usual romp in the hay with his female counterparts a week ago, but when he finished he was still erect. In fact, he's been erect ever since. Now, a week later, his poor little iguana schlong is red and swollen.

http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20070125/od_nm/iguana_erection_dc

The link includes a video! Does this count as internet porn for reptiles?

I wonder what the other iguanas are thinking. Are Mozart's iguana girlfriends thinking, "Hey, studly, as long as you're up, let's make the best of things." Or are they thinking, "Yo, Mozart, watch what you drag through the lizard chow!"

Veterinarians have been consulted, and the prognosis isn't good. They're giving his little Johnson the chop, Lorena Bobbitt-style. Ouch! Do iguana penises grow back like lizard tails? The vets say he won't notice it's gone, but I beg to differ.

Luckily for Mozart, iguanas have two penises!

Caffeinated Donuts

I'm a total caffeine freak. Unfortunately, I don't like the taste of coffee. Too bitter for my sweet little pallet. I drink tea, but I'm usually too lazy to go about making it and letting it cool, and because of my "sweet little pallet" I wind up loading it up with sugar – supersaturating it, in fact, because it's very hot. So what do I do? Cola. A cold Pepsi first thing in the morning. Another around lunch. And I'm not above getting one for supper, either. Yes, it's pitiful, but I can't help myself. You think that's bad, you should have seen my cola habits as a teenager! Chocolate, too, has a good caffeine value for my buck.

But I always feel a bit self-conscious, especially when I'm carrying around a can of Pepsi at 8 AM. No, there's no rule against drinking cola first thing in the morning, but it's like drinking booze in the morning – it's just considered a little weird. If only I could consume something more "breakfast-y" and get my recommended daily dose of caffeine, like others do with coffee.

Well now a scientist has solved my dilemma – caffeinated pastry!

http://carolinanewswire.com/news/News.cgi?database=1news.db&command=viewone&id=2269&op=t

Dr. Robert Bohannon, a molecular scientist living in Durham, NC, has developed what he calls Buzz Donuts™ and Buzzed Bagels™, pastries that contain the caffeine equivalent of one or two cups of coffee. Using the skills of flavoring experts, he was able to overcome the bitterness of the caffeine. Now he's marketing his perfected pastries to companies like Krispy Kreme and Starbucks. (His disappointingly bland webpage: www.buzzdonuts.com).

Hey, Doc, powder me up some of your deep-fried rings of caffeinated dough, please! I'll take a dozen!

Happiness Is A Shiver Away

Yesterday I heard that a fellow lab rat at my evil global biotech company is leaving for another job. I'll call her "Lisa." She's been here as long as I have, and is extremely valuable to the company, but I hear she feels fed up with the lack of promotion. I can't imagine it (and by "can't" I mean "absolutely can"). She's moving to Boston. I may be going out on a limb, but I'm going to make the call that she is unhappy.

Well, "Lisa", cheer up! Didn't you know you live in one of the happiest nations in the world?

According to a study of "happiness levels" in almost 180 nations around the world, using a variety of databases (including, oddly, the CIA!), the United States comes in at a relatively happy 23:

For write-up and some rankings:
http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2006/11/061113093726.htm

This link has a map:
http://www.physorg.com/news73321785.html

According to the authors of the study, the best indicators of happiness for a nation are good health, wealth, and education. War and famine, for instance, bring the ratings down, of course. But I'm seeing another trend entirely. Consider the top ten most happy countries:

1. Denmark 2. Switzerland 3. Austria 4. Iceland 5. The Bahamas 6. Finland 7. Sweden 8. Bhutan 9. Brunei 10. Canada

Of the top ten, EIGHT of them are cold countries! (I'm counting Austria because of its mountains and frigid winters, and Bhutan is mostly in the Himalayas. Bhutan, oddly, is also the only country that officially measures its Gross National Happiness). This can't be coincidence. If you think about it, what do you do when it's cold outside? You stay in by a cozy fire, eat good food, curl up with your significant other – then curl up a little closer. Next thing you know…. You get the picture. That'll warm your Surbrød!

Now, there are plenty of cold countries that didn't score highly, but I still think it's a factor. The notable warm exceptions in that list are The Bahamas and Brunei, both of which are tropical paradises, but who couldn't be happy in a tropical paradise, I ask?

I would also like to add that my evil global biotech company doesn't have a site in any of those countries. Also not a coincidence, I imagine.

So, "Lisa", maybe moving to Boston isn't the answer. Maybe Denmark would be a better choice. Break out that Viking helmet and learn to eat pickled herring, baby!

My Managers May Be Neanderthals

I've always suspected that certain managers at my evil global biotech company are part-Neanderthal.

Okay, I'm stereotyping. That's a bad thing. I'm working on the cliché assumption that Neanderthals were sort of brutish and lacked good reasoning skills. Picture, if you will, a club-wielding, exceedingly hairy man with a prominent brow ridge, short and slightly bent over, and dressed in bedraggled animal skins, who chooses a mate based on who can be dragged away easiest by their hair. I wouldn't want to be racist (or, I guess, the best term is *species-ist*) about Neanderthals. For all anyone knows, they were tender, loving, hippie types. Just about the only thing known about their culture, as far as I can tell, is that they lived in tight-knit social groups and resisted changing their technology. That's apparently why they died out – they didn't adapt to changes in the European climate and didn't cross social groups.

Now imagine if those Neanderthal types were leading a company. Resistant to new ideas from outside their tight-knit group. Not thinking things through in a long-term, rational manner. Dying out because they didn't adapt quickly enough. Yeah, I stick to my original suspicion.

A recent news story suggests that there may, indeed, be real-life Neanderthals working alongside me:

http://abcnews.go.com/Technology/wireStory?id=2796508

The finding of a skull in a cave in Romania suggests that Cro-Magnon _Homo sapiens_ (early modern humans) may have interbred with Neanderthals (_Homo erectus_), creating a hybrid of the two. HERE is the nitty-gritty research paper. The skull exhibits aspects found on the skulls of both species and dates back 35,000 to 40,000 years ago, to a time when the two species were found together in the same geographic area.

Though their cultures inhabited the same regions, there isn't much evidence that Cro-Magnon and Neanderthals actually mixed culturally or even with warfare, but who knows? Maybe some desperate Cro-Magnon gal drank a little too much fermented ox milk (or whatever the heck they drank), saw a Neanderthal guy from across the field, and thought, "You know, I always wanted to get shagged by Fred Flintstone. Yaba daba doo!"

This isn't a new idea. Back in 1999, the skeleton of a 4-year old boy was found in Portugal, his bones dating back about 24,500 years. HERE is a link to that story. His bone structure suggested he had some Neanderthal ancestry. The interesting thing with that finding is that Neanderthals were thought to have died out by then, so the boy wasn't a "love child" of fermented ox milk, but rather the offspring of generations of hybrids. If so, there's a good chance that the lineage continued onward, perhaps into you and me!

So are some of my managers actually part-Neanderthal, acting on their primitive impulses? Well, let's just say the Cro-Magnon in me isn't interested in mixing.