Number 200

Today I celebrate my 200th post on The Angry Lab Rat. Yay, me. I’m certain you read this with a mix of joyful glee and scientific exuberance as, once again, I bring you enlightenment about science weirdness and news, downloading my brain to your otherwise virginal computer screen.

Okay, fine, maybe it’s not so virginal. And maybe you’re actually thinking, “Has it really been 200? Damn, I’ve got to find something else to read!”

Ah, my fellow readers, please be aware I sacrifice greatly to bring you this source of wisdom. Typically I write and publish late at night when I should be happily dreaming, squeezed between cats and my lovely wife on a bed that’s really too narrow for my wide girth plus various other mammals. And maybe I should instead spend the time coming up with new and exciting ways to provide for my family by, you know, actually earning money for my writing, and buying things like flowers with it.

So I leave you with this cartoon from the very interesting blog site and mind of Wellington Grey (a science teacher in the UK). I’ll keep on posting if you keep on reading!


By the way, my lovely wife does read my blog....


Cartoon taken from HERE.

One Year Of The Angry Lab Rat

Yay! Today marks the one-year anniversary for The Angry Lab Rat blog.

It's been a fun year. I never imagined I would so greatly enjoy serving up a mulligan stew of bizarre science, odd inventions, nutty nature, medicine on the edge, and my own ramblings about doing science while working in an evil global biotech conglomerate, and having you enjoy this dreck in return. Science has presented no shortage of interesting stories to bring you, if you don't mind seeing it through the warped, Monty Python-esque binoculars of a somewhat near-sighted and grumpy lab rodent. 168 posts worth! The site has been hit almost 26,000 times (mostly Google searches by, I'm certain, scantily-clad women who have a fetish for short, hairy men) from an amazing 122 countries. Wow. People will read anything!

Which stories have been hit the most? According to my blog tracker, among the most popular have been Be Stung By Jellyfish – For Fun!, Fish That Will Eat You Alive And Make You Healthier At The Same Time, China Is Trying To Kill Us, How To Remove Your Gall Bladder, and, one of my favorites, The Beer Launcher.

But bullocks to the hit counters! It's Reader's Choice time. Tell me, my loyal readers, what subject (such as those listed to the lower right of your screen) would you most wish me to write about in my next post?


Image taken from HERE and made into a poster HERE.

Pop-Up Extortion

Several years ago I had a teenage relative come stay with us for a week or so. Forgetting how very horny the average teenage boy is (am I really that old??), I neglected to turn on the parental controls for internet access that came with my internet program. Oops.

Part-way through his visit, I discovered some very interesting pictures on the computer. When I approached him about this, he at first denied he had downloaded them from porn sites, but eventually confessed. He promised not to continue doing that, as long as I didn't report it to his mom, but before I could figure out the parental controls, he did it again. He was barred from further unauthorized computer use, and yes, his mom heard about it.

Once he left, I figured that was the end of it. Oh, no. That was just the beginning. Next came the phone bill. It turns out he had visited porn sites that charged for every download. More than $200, in total! You'd better believe we made his mom pay the bill.

But even that wasn't the end. The real nightmare came when we realized viruses and Trojan horses had been downloaded to our computer with the images. We discovered the problem when we found our computer dialing onto the internet on its own, without us even opening the dial-up window! Turns out it had done so many, many times, because the next phone bill came with even more charges. Lucky for us, my lovely wife was able to talk the phone company into dropping the charges and blocking those phone numbers from our phone system. We invested in some heavy-duty firewall and antivirus programs, and the nightmare finally came to an end.

It left me wondering how many others have these problems and are too embarrassed to raise a fuss about it, unwilling to admit that they've been shaking hands with Mr. Johnson to the pervy sort of stuff on those sites.

Well, with pornography still the number one business on the internet, and given the sleazy nature of that business, it shouldn't surprise anyone that a new form of online extortion is being used by those sites.

As reported today on PhysOrg.com (HERE), one porn site (which will remain unnamed) is now offering a free, three-day membership to anyone that wants it. After pressing an approval button and not reading the fine print, the customer does indeed get three free days to "tit"-ilate their senses by viewing women's bits and pieces, but when the three days is up, streams of pop-up windows invade their computer, regardless of whether they are online or offline. The pop-ups won't stay minimized, and remain on top of any other windows. The website then tells the customer – get this! – that they can remove those annoying pop-ups if they pay $80 for a 90-day membership. If they pay, they then can remove the pop-ups with a special file. If they don't pay . . . well, I guess they'd better start liking pop-up windows. I hope their sticky little three-day thrill was worth it.

Oh, how cleverly legal and evil of that porn site! I imagine other sites are already catching on. The victims agreed to this deal when the approved. One can argue that they got what they deserved. But I guess I still feel a tiny bit of pity for them and their lusty libidos. After all, men are horny little devils who can barely control themselves (I should know, being a man). Men are such pigs!

But even if they manage to control their slippery little urges, who knows? Maybe they had a teenage relative come visit and they forgot to engage those parental controls on the computer.

It's been known to happen.


Image taken from HERE.

Yep, I'm A Loser, But You Still Read Me

God damn! Where the hell have I been for over a month??

After my long hiatus, during which I have settled into a far less stressful and time-consuming job at the same evil global biotech company and divested myself from a increasingly distracting non-profit volunteerism, I am now able to turn my attention back to -- well -- YOU! And the wonderful world of science news, of course.

Yet, despite having been gone from the bloggosphere, my site actually is still getting hits. 230 yesterday, for instance! Go figure. You guys will read anything, I suppose!

Anyhow, I've been amassing lots of good stuff for you, so here goes . . . .

I've Been Interviewed

I must be famous. I've been interviewed by BlogInterviewer.com. Here is the published interview:

http://bloginterviewer.com/education/angry-lab-rat-anonymous

When you visit, be sure to cast a vote for me. The top three blogs with the most votes receive $25, $15, and $10 respectively at the end of the month.

Yowsa! I'd be rich. Rich, I say!

iPhone Hysteria

I admit, I’ve become caught up in the iPhone hysteria.

What? You don’t know what an iPhone is? Shame on you for not staying on top of the tech world! Haven’t you seen the amazing commercials? Heard the hype? Why, it’s the most scrumptious piece of technology since the personal computer.

The iPhone is only the most delectable, orgasmic techno toy that geeks like me could possibly ever dream about! It’s a beauty of engineering, slim, sleek, with a flat face about the size of a playing card and no buttons. The flat screen is a touchscreen capable of registering finger swipes and presses, so all the buttons are digital. It goes on sale in two days (June 29), available only from Apple Computer and AT&T outlets.

This marvelous beauty is a cell phone, digital camera, iPod, mobile internet player, streaming video and movie player, digital photo album, and PDA all wrapped up in one. Throw away all those other devices!

Here is Apple’s webpage for their new iPhone: http://www.apple.com/iphone/

I beg you to visit. If you haven’t already seen them, you’ll be blown away by the videos of the iPhone in use.

Ah, but what’s the catch? There’s always a catch, don’t ya know.

The catch is you have to be a frickin’ millionaire to afford the damned thing. The cost of the iPhone is expected to be between $500 and $650(US dollars) depending on memory size, though there may be some initial discounts. AT&T is the exclusive carrier for all internet and phone service, with a $36 activation fee. No other carriers are allowed. They offer three different choices for monthly fees, which differ according to number of minutes and text messages. The cheapest is $60 a month. So, all told, you’re looking at a one-time cost of at least $536 plus at least $720 a year in monthly fees. Ouch. But this is an all-inclusive fee that includes mobile internet, phone, text messages, and (I think) iTunes subscription, so if you don’t already have these things, maybe it’s a little more acceptable.

Report on monthly charges: http://video.physorg.com/?channel=Science+Tech&clipid=885481

Is it worth it? Hmm, lets see. I can either wipe out half a month’s take-home pay for the most anticipated gadget my lustful geeky heart could ever dream of, or I could pay for four months of groceries for my family. Hard choice.

Do I really need a cell phone? I admit there are times I would like one. Do I need mobile internet? No, I’ve got a computer at home and another at work I can use, but on occasion it would be nice. Do I need an iPod? I don’t really listen to music a lot, but maybe if I had this I would. Do I need a video player? No, I have a TV for that, and I barely have time to watch it. Do I need a portable digital photo album. No, my home computer does just fine, but, again, it would be nice to show off my kids’ photos when I’m with friends. Do I need a digital camera? Yeah, I admit, it would be nice from time to time.

So do I really need it? I put it on par with a very good vacuum cleaner. Yes, I said vacuum cleaner. I like to use vacuums as examples – go figure. With vacuums you can make do with some crappy hand-me-down that’s noisy and doesn’t pick up dirt well so you have to go over each strip of carpet several times to clean it, but it gets clean in the end, or you can pay several hundred dollars extra and get some quiet model with lots of accessories and parts that don’t wear out that gets your carpet clean the first time. Is it a luxury you could do without? Sure, but aren’t you glad you made the investment? And you wind up getting a lot of use out of it.

Of course, the iPhone is just the first of a revolution of new combinatorial technology. It won’t be long before every device is like the iPhone. Those of us who are above, oh, 18 years old still see a distinction between computer, stereo, TV, and phone as separate devices. If you ask anyone younger than that about those distinctions, they’ll roll their eyes and text “WTF? That’s like so last century!” to their friends and make fun of you behind your back.

And when they make fun of you, there’s a pretty good chance they’ll use their new iPhone to do it.

So will I buy one? Are you kidding? My wife would kill me for such an egregious waste of money! I'll at least sit back and watch the techno-feeding-frenzy and wait for the bugs to be worked out.

You Brought Your Laptop With You On Your Last Vacation, Didn't You?

I just came back from a three-day vacation. I had a great time relaxing with the kids, playing Scrabble with my mother-in-law, and staying at a snazzy timeshare condo that the in-laws had arranged for us. It was great getting away from the lab for a while. And yes, I have a great affection for my in-laws and out-laws.

Of course, "getting away from it all" is a misnomer. Vacations in my line of work, and possibly yours, too, don't mean that there is no work to do. It just piles up while you're away. My list of things to do didn't get any shorter while I was away, but now I have less time to do it in. And most likely more tasks have been put on my plate while I was away. I know from previous experience that at least half of Monday will be spent simply reading and responding to emails. I also had materials to read, a lab book to update, and a report to write, but I was a rebel and didn't do any of it. Still, all of this "vacation work" sorta puts a damper on the whole "relaxation" thing.

"But wait," you say, "just bring along your laptop and work when no one else needs you."

Sure, no problem, I'll just log on in-between swimming with my toddlers and grilling steaks with Dad. I'll call in to the office on my cell phone to "check in" while I drive back to the condo. Maybe I can squeeze in a few emails between watching "Flushed Away" with the kids and playing a game of Scrabble. You laugh. But I know you're out there, with your laptops, cell phones, blackberries, and PDAs. You're laughing because you do it, too. One coworker of mine is even dorky enough to bring his laptop and cell phone with him on camping trips.

According to a recent poll, one in five people who go on vacation bring their laptop along, mainly for keeping up with work:
http://www.physorg.com/news99917478.html

Two in five downloaded their email while on vacation. 80% brought their cell phones. 50% checked work voicemail messages. According to the poll, these "techno-geeks" are typically highly-educated, under 40, and white – like me. Coincidently this is also the demographic I suspect is most likely to show off their Star Trek uniforms on first dates, but I digress.

What's wrong with this picture? Hello?!? Vacations are supposed to be about getting away from work, not taking it with you. I'm very, very good about not doing these things. I actually believe my workplace won't miss me for a few days, and any work I miss will eventually be caught up with.

But wait, just bring along your laptop and work when no one else needs you. Yes, I said it, and I did it. I brought along my laptop, and worked on it after everyone else went to sleep at night, but I swear it wasn't for work. Um, well, not for my day job, at least. I was busy working on some fiction writing (a side hobby of mine) and playing computer chess. So there. Besides, my room wasn't internet-ready.

Gasp. Yes, it's true. My room didn't have an internet connection. In this day and age when everything that includes a battery seems to be internet capable, and a significant portion of the population are beginning to resemble the Borg, my room was still operating without the world wide web. Geez, roll your eyes! How very pre-90's!

I should also mention that I had my wife's cell phone with us, but it, too, is not subscribed to any internet service.

Ah, but never fear! The condo lobby offered a single internet-ready computer that could be logged into – for the low, low price of $4.00 per half hour. Who the hell would pay four bucks to check their friggin' email, I ask? You'd have to be pretty hard up to shell it out. Being a cheap bastard, I chose to stay away, and thus you weren't graced with any blog entries for days. How did you ever make it without my illustrious wisdom catapulted to you via the binary mysteries of the www?

The last place I stayed, on a business trip to Berkeley, was an old "grand dame" hotel which turned out to be a dump. [I've stayed at enough of those "grand hotel" places to know they aren't nearly as wondrous as you would hope. Without free breakfast, and often without even swimming pools or hot tubs, you're basically paying for a nicer lobby, and the rooms are usually smaller and badly furnished. You're better off staying at Best Western, IMHO]. The lobby at that Berkeley hotel had four computers you could use, free of charge, up to 15 minutes a day. To do so, you had to get a code from the front desk. The problem was that 15 minutes is NOTHING. First of all, the connection was slow, so by the time I was able to log into my email server and actually start reading emails, nearly a third of my time was gone. Actually putting thought into my replies meant I was only able to read and reply to a fraction of my inbox. Begging for a second code was successful in doubling my time, but it was still a stretch. That same hotel offered free wifi in the lobby, but my ancient laptop was not wifi compatible. Luckily a coworker had a wifi-capable computer I could use to get some extra work done.

Anyhow, I have now returned to the modern world, and thus you get this blog post to complete your day. Enjoy.

Oh, and I rock at Scrabble. In one game, I had two 7-letter words. Beat that, you techno-geeks!


Image taken from HERE.

No Videos For The Troops

It just became tougher to share videos and pictures with American soldiers in Iraq:

http://www.cnn.com/2007/TECH/internet/05/14/military.sites.blocked.ap/index.html

Today my precious little niece, age 20, ships out to Iraq. She finished army boot camp and MP training a mere 2 weeks ago. She gets a little more training in Kuwait, then it’s off to the horrors of war for her, and she’ll be right in the thick of it. I still see her as a little girl in my mind, so the thought of her going off to kill people in an unjustified quagmire of a war that serves no apparent American interests doesn’t sit well with me, especially since I was one of those folks standing at my courthouse with anti-war signs back when it all started. But it’s the choice she made for herself. All I can do is hope she comes back in one piece, physically and mentally. I don’t want her to join the over 3100 Americans who have been killed, or the tens of thousands who have been seriously wounded.

Of course I hope to keep in touch with her while she’s “over there.” She brought her new laptop computer with her, and has a couple of email addresses and the internet, but she’ll be relying on the army electronic networks to keep in digital contact with us.

Many servicemen and servicewomen and their families use photosharing and video websites, like YouTube, MySpace, and Photobucket, to keep in touch with each other. Consider THIS video from someone to their Uncle Keith in Iraq.

Troops are also able to share their experience with the world at large, such as in THIS footage (“Looks like they blew up the showers again.”), or THIS patriotic footage of actual fighting.

But the military has decided to make these and many other photo- and video-sharing sites off-limits to their troops using military networks, starting today. Here is the DoD notice to soldiers: http://www.usfk.mil/usfk/bell-sends/5_11_07_27%20-%2007%20Restricted%20Access%20to%20Internet%20Entertainment%20Sites%20Across%20DoD%20Networks.pdf.

They say it’s because it slows the system down too much, but you would think the world’s most funded army would be able to have a decent networking system that could handle the bandwidth. They also say they worry about sensitive information being leaked. Maybe they have a point there, but don’t they already censor such things? No, I think they are afraid more about morale, since a great many videos and photos out there are being put out about the horrors the civilian population are facing (over 600,000 civilians have died, according to one estimate, and over 2.6 million have refugee status according to the U.N.), and increasing numbers of anti-war videos are being published. Here is a good example, but WARNING, it contains very graphic images: HERE. My niece has told me how nearly everyone she has met so far in the military is strongly against the war. And we’re talking about the new recruits, who are supposed to be “gung-ho” fresh from boot camp!

The military’s reaction is strangely hypocritical, since they are posting their own videos on the web, for the sake of recruitment and banging the patriotic drums, even have their own channel on YouTube (EXAMPLE). It’s a two-way street. As the CNN article says, this war is as much about minds and action as it is about bombs and guns. When the troops aren’t able to broadcast their side of things, all you are left with is official propaganda and the many, many videos put out by the other side.

Oh, well. For now I can still send emails to my niece, at least, as well as standard mail. Let’s hope cooler heads prevail and bring home the troops soon, anyhow.

Bring ‘em home, Bush.

Addendum: On a related note, the U.S. military set up its own YouTube channel just last week, and about a week before that they banned all blog posting by soldiers without express supervisory approval for each post (see blog links at this post: http://tailrank.com/1851635/The-end-of-military-blogs). Of course, how many supervisors would allow it, thinking that any perceived slip would fall on their heads? It all adds up to a serious clamp-down on soldier communications while at the same time increasing the military's propaganda machine. What's next? Will the military forbid email? Are the soldiers to be reduced to WWII-era censored snail mail, too? In a weird and scary way, it seems to me that the very people who are supposed to lay their lives on the line for our rights are denied most of those same rights, almost to the level of inmates in our prison system.

Update (5/18/07): Today PhysOrg.com released an interview with the YouTube co-founders: http://www.physorg.com/news98692938.html. They said they could not understand why the military, with its massive network and its own YouTube channel, would use the excuse of not having enough bandwidth for its soldiers to use the system. They went on to explain how they were willing to work with the military to solve the problems, and that they censor particularly violent videos.

100th Post

Yay, me! My last post was number 100. I just wanted to mark it's passing....

Blog Post On Blogging

I blog, therefore I am.

Yes, it is time for the requisite blog post on blogging. I have regaled you with my personal opinions every other day or so for five months about breaking science news and what it’s like working for an evil global biotech empire. Apparently you haven’t yet grown sick of me since you’re still reading this dreck, and I’m happy to keep dishing it out to you. Yum!

I have to say I greatly enjoy writing this blog – more than I had expected. There have been some major benefits. For one, I keep up with science news more often, and have posted on a wide variety of topics, from computers to volcanoes, astronomy to zoology, evolution to medicine. I think it reflects my scatterbrain way of life. But the best benefits have been somewhat less tangible. Because I occasionally rant about the evilness of my job, I’ve found I’m less angry and frustrated with it. Don’t worry, though, I’m still an “Angry Lab Rat.” It wouldn’t be as interesting if I were simply a “Somewhat Miffed Lab Rat,” would it?

I’ve also found great pleasure in the fact that I can present to you, and the entire world, an unedited version of my thoughts, as surely profound and insightful as they may be. I’ve written and published works for years: short fiction stories, scholarly science articles, marketing material, poetry, letters to the editor, and now I’m marketing a fiction novel. But with all of these things the writing was subject to review (and sometimes revision) by editors and (sometimes) co-authors. The beauty of this blog is that I can write whatever I wish, no matter how the rest of the world may view it, factional or fictional, foul language or angelic, and even misspelled or bad grammar, without any oversight or editing at all. What freedom! And I don’t even need to tell you who I am. This is the beauty of the internet.

Of course, this is also the ugliness of the internet. Because of its anonymity and freedom, porn is the number one internet business, and the internet has become a haven for anyone spouting hatred, racism, bullying, or violence. You won’t find any of that here. Recently, a “blogger’s code of conduct” has been suggested by a couple of web luminaries to counter such unfriendliness (HERE is an article on it), complete with seal of approval images to post on your site if you comply with the code. This code includes what to say and what not to say, and prohibits anonymous comments. It’ll never fly, simply because web surfers in general, and bloggers in particular, love the freedom of expression and anonymity as much as I do. I for one am willing to put up with the occasional filth out there for the sake of personal freedom.

Because my blog doesn’t have a hit counter, I didn’t really know how many of you were visiting. The only way I could tell was by the occasional comment left by someone. Well, now I know, and I’m shocked. I used to think I was just visited by a few close friends and co-workers, one or two folks who found the site by random, Grandma, and Mom (of course!). But through a couple of blog directories I subscribe to that keep statistics (such as THIS ONE), I now know that I've gotten over a hundred unique visitors so far this month, and between 5 and 10 unique visitors a day. I've had over 2000 unique visitors since I started in December! It ain’t much compared to the big sites, or just about any blog mentioning the name of Britney Spears, but it’s more than I ever expected.

As I posted back in December, blogging has earned me, and most likely you, Time’s Man of the Year last year. Now I’m happy to say that I and my wife will be co-authoring another blog soon – and we’ll be PAID for it, even! Can you imagine? It’s not finalized yet, and I’m not going to tell you the address unless you know me and ask me in person, since that site is family-oriented and this one is anonymous and, well, NOT as family oriented. I’ve also been thinking of starting a blog to post pictures of my kids for the sake of friends and family. I guess this makes me a blogophile, but then, I’d hazard to guess that a majority of you readers have blogs and websites of your own. Some of you have several, I know.

Sharing is fun, so keep on comin’, and tell your friends. I wouldn't pass up an opportunity to corrupt innocent minds. And for heaven’s sake, please leave comments.

Ya’ll come back now, ya hear?

I'm Man of the Year

According to _Time_ magazine, I'm Man of the Year for 2006! Can you imagine? Okay, not *me*, per say, but you. Well, not *you*, either, but "You", as in everyone. Well, not *everyone*, actually, but everyone who posts content on the internet. [Grunt] Here, read it for yourself:

http://www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,1569514,00.html

Their idea is to honor the trend of posting content on blogs, websites, MySpace, YouTube, and so forth that has heralded an unprecedented explosion in expression of the common person. Nifty. Yeah, it's a little lame, but I agree with their point. It's another step toward a one-world community (and maybe an internet-based government to rule them – but that's the Napoleon in me talking. We could call it "The United States of Google"). _Time_ is right to recognize the amazing contribution of the internet and the way common people are utilizing it. Thanks to this technology, I can hold a couple simultaneous text conversations with my friends on MySpace (assuming I HAVE friends) talking about, let's say - my cat's hairball problem, paraphrase the conversations on my blog, and upload a video of my cat barfing to YouTube, all within minutes, and it won't cost me a shiny dime. But then, would you really care to watch it?

Of course, there's no accounting for taste. I'm honored just as much as the next person, including all those porn freaks (the #1 business on the internet, according to surveys) and fringe criminal groups. Being lightened by the Christmas spirit, I'll assume for the moment that they aren't included, since Jingle Bells is playing in the background, I smell like eggnog, and the world is sparkling with snowflakes and silvery presents. Only *interesting* content like this blog are included in their consideration, right? RIGHT?

My first thought was to call this a cop-out. "You" isn't a person. But it's not like this is the first year _Time_ has honored an entire group or technology since they started in the honor in 1927. I count eleven years:

1950, The American Fighting Man
1956, Hungarian Freedom Fighter
1960, U.S. Scientists [Thank you very much!]
1966, Twenty-Five and Under
1969, The Middle Americans
1975, American Women
1982, The Computer
1988, Endangered Earth
1993, The Peacemakers
2002, The Whistleblowers
2003, American Soldier

Here's a complete list. I'm not certain I feel so honored. There are some amazing folks on the long list, like FDR and Ghandi, but Stalin and Hitler are there, too (and George Bush – twice!).

Given that I've designed and posted three websites and this blog, I guess I'm deserving. Maybe I should celebrate somehow. Tell you what, I'll go create another blog, punch up my eggnog, and sing a rummy version of Jingle Bells on camera for YouTube so that you can relive my merriment any time you wish, at the click of a mouse. I suggest you do the same. Happy uploading, Man of the Year!