Wednesday, May 30, 2007

Attack Of The Squirrels!

Squirrels. Those cute little furry rodents, scampering around our lawns and running up our trees. Ain't they precious? Why, they couldn't hurt anything larger than an acorn. Sitting up there in the oak tree, chattering down at me, saying in their little squirrely language, "Hey you, hand over the pecans!" Who couldn’t love these adorable little beasties.

But then it happened. On a sunny morning in early May in San Jose, a first-grade classroom full of eager young children was preparing for a field trip. Their door was open to the spring breeze.

And in walked The Squirrel. We’ll call him Mr. Fluffy.

Mr. Fluffy wasn’t your average, happy-go-lucky acorn-chaser begging for your popcorn. Oh, no. This little fellow was out for revenge! The squirrel leapt upon two adult chaperones, turning the classroom into a whirling chaos of scratching, biting, and screaming before Mr. Fluffy ran out again.

But he didn’t stop there. He wheeled and attacked an innocent 11-year-old girl, biting her twice on the arm and drawing blood. Then, like a guerilla soldier, scampered across the lawn and disappeared into the bushes, mission accomplished.

Article, with news videos: http://cbs5.com/local/local_story_129172309.html

What followed was an immediate lockdown of the school (no kidding!) as the authorities came to trap the wild beast, but he couldn’t be found. Like an avenging ghost, Mr. Fluffy came and went, a soldier for all those squirrels out there that have been taunted with food, chased by pets, or shot for redneck dinners.

Most squirrel attacks are due to over-eagerness of squirrels for our food, but this story didn’t involve food at all.

A similar story happened in Cuesta Park last year. A 4-year-old boy was minding his own business in a park there when a squirrel came out of nowhere, leapt onto him, and started scratching and biting his face, arm, chest, and back. Even after the boy fell to the ground, screaming, the dervish of a squirrel kept on attacking.

Story: http://www.mv-voice.com/story.php?story_id=2808

How did the city respond? By trying to destroy all the squirrels in that area, of course. Over-reacting is the American way. Using a baby stroller as bait (!!!), nine squirrels were trapped and euthanized with an overdose of chloroform gas. Given that this is America, the boy’s parents are still suing the city for $150K for mental and physical damages. The boy is apparently mentally scarred for life. But this wasn't the first squirrel attack in that park. That year there were 13 other squirrel attacks in that park, including against a 4-year-old girl.

Sigh. Can we ever see squirrels the same after this? Are we to run screaming from them as they chatter at us for our nuts? And which nuts are they going to try to attack? Watch out, guys!

Be careful when you walk through your neighborhood park or school playground. What’s that rustle in the bushes? Did you hear a squirrel chatter? Bite your nails. Mr. Fluffy may be coming to get your children!

A squirrel attack on YouTube: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eguPlDQUsYA

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Squirrels are evil. They are rats with fluffy tails. They eat my bulbs and ruin my garden. Evil I tell you.

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